I love it when my husband says, “You’re retired. Don’t do guilt.” I’m into my third year of retirement. Looking back, I haven’t accomplished a damn thing that I dreamed of doing once I quit my job for good. Sure, I could blame a lot of things I didn’t get…

Sometimes, self-help is all we have left. — A little old lady pulled a lawn cart down the street with two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and $20 bills fell out onto the sidewalk every once in a while. A policeman stopped her and said, “Ma’am, $20 bills are falling out…

Hold my beer while I work on this here list. — Is your To-Do list getting smaller? No? Do you feel hopeless? Does it seem like you’ll never finish another project again? How many projects do you wish you hadn’t started in the first place? How many times did you call yourself a loser last week because your list got bigger…

Please keep your spit cup to yourself. — I shared my office with Kevin, the Food and Beverage manager at the golf club where we worked. We faced each other when we sat at our desks. I smoked in the office. He chewed tobacco and spit into a styrofoam cup. When he bitched about my smoking, I reminded…

Finding your niche will be fun, they said. — I didn’t know what a niche was, so I looked it up. “To succeed in this new world, you have to sell yourself. You go to a brand-name college, not to imbibe the wisdom of its professors, but to make impressions and connections. You pick a niche that can bring attention to yourself and then develop your personal public relations efforts to…

My joy went from hobby, to business, to nothing. — My boyfriend taught me how to make stained glass lamps and picture frames in 1991. It was a way for me to pass the time while he watched football, NASCAR racing, Indy car racing, Formula One racing, basketball, baseball, and hockey. I would have lost my mind if he watched…

I’m pretty sure kids need germs to boost their immunity and prevent allergies. — I keep seeing food allergy warnings on packages of food. It’s sad that nuts, eggs, wheat, and milk products, etc. make people sick because they ate something they’re allergic to. …

We missed the boat for gun control, and now we are paying the consequences. — I don’t want this article about gun control to be political. It’s my point of view…nothing more. I grew up in a family of hunters. If it had fur or feathers, when it was hunting season, those creatures had a 50/50 chance of making it through the season’s end. When…

You’re putting too much pressure on me as his Caregiver. — When friends say that my husband is lucky to have me for his Caregiver, it makes me scream on the inside. Seriously. I do the best I can to keep him safe and out of skilled nursing facilities. But there are times when I feel that my best efforts aren’t…